Saturday, January 21, 2012
The Big Sleep
With the arrival of these Siberian-esque temperatures and mounds of white snowy love, my thoughts turn to hibernation. No, not the hibernation patterns of the mammals in our direct region but rather my own hibernation patterns. The way I see it, stuffing myself with each and every one of my culinary desires before taking one colossal wee and bedding down for a few months of uninterrupted snoozing under a mound of fluffy down and grandma’s quilts, only to awake in April to warm temperatures, a world filled with sunshine and an automatic 50 pound weight loss sounds utterly ideal doesn’t it?
According to NOVA, this is possible but it involves a team of medical professionals, a large tub of ice and appears to be more akin to hypothermia than hibernation. Submerging this body in ice – sooo, not for me.
Fortunately my search for answers led me to a couple of other nerdy websites and finally, the real answer was afforded to me by the simple dictionary. According to Merriam Webster, the definition of hibernation is : to pass the winter in a torpid or resting state. (Torpid means sluggish or lacking in vigor- don’t worry, I had to look it up too.) Well if that’s the definition – color me there. I’ve been torpid since somewhere after Christmas Dinner and by the looks of the butt prints in the sofa, I’m not the only one. I see a torpid Midget sprawled out on the floor under an Elmo blanket, caught up in Sponge Bob right now.
There are a few drawbacks that I can see. First off, I’d miss Valentine’s day. Not that I have any great romantic aspirations for the day of love, but I do adore those Conversation Hearts. I’d hate to miss out on that – Be Mine? Why yes, yes I will. And thanks to my fondness for reds and hot pinks in my decorating scheme, I like to pick up leftover candles and the occasional trinkets to add to my livingroom at the post holiday sales. Then of course I’d sleep right through the arrival of The Big One -sleeping right through one's 40th birthday? – the jury is still out on whether that is a positive or a negative. I’d also hibernate through the Midget’s big number 4, but if all went according to plan, he’d be hibernating as well and at this age, he’s really not clear on the difference between March 31 and May 31 so I could just pull a fast one and give him a May birthday and he’d be none the wiser.
In light of all the scientific information I found on the internet – and as we all know, if it is on the interweb, it is most certainly true- I have determined that my family and I have been successful in achieving a mild state of hibernation thus far and we shall continue on with that for at least two more months. We might not be able to full on sleep winter away, but our torpid state feels like it might be enough and this way, we won’t miss Conversation Hearts. Happy Hibernating!